tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post1822440171276282393..comments2023-09-01T04:45:22.849-04:00Comments on small house, big picture: the boys next doordwerrleinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-585415202859248872013-12-19T10:29:17.981-05:002013-12-19T10:29:17.981-05:00"Culture of violence against women"? See..."Culture of violence against women"? See page 9, figure 15. http://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/htus8008.pdfAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-11577962421022719562013-06-04T23:57:30.018-04:002013-06-04T23:57:30.018-04:00thank you so much for taking the time to come by!thank you so much for taking the time to come by!dwerrleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-107140268090722492013-06-04T22:58:04.470-04:002013-06-04T22:58:04.470-04:00I just read this article in my UU Magazine. Thank ...I just read this article in my UU Magazine. Thank you for writing it. As a mom of two boys and one girl, it really hits home. We'll be having plenty of conversations about character and taking care of others as they all grow. Good stuff : )Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-1302942460978280432013-05-30T20:43:09.140-04:002013-05-30T20:43:09.140-04:00I agree that it can be so frustrating and even ali...I agree that it can be so frustrating and even alienating trying to raise kids with values that differ from those espoused by popular culture. My strategy so far has been to talk it to death - hopefully I'm getting through! dwerrleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-77636385671703053092013-05-29T18:30:14.580-04:002013-05-29T18:30:14.580-04:00I'm a sixty-five year old male and I feel very...I'm a sixty-five year old male and I feel very alone sometimes - though not when I'm with my wife of thirty years or with my grown children. I feel alone because I find it very hard to live in this American culture that finds it so difficult to build civilized cultural norms. I lived in England years ago for two years and found that, when change was needed it seemed to come from within long-standing traditions that gave that change deep resonance within individuals and the group. Yes, Americans change social norms more quickly...but do we really change things? Or do we simply fragment society more?<br />Violence seems to be an endemic problem in our country. Hollywood seems almost entirely corrupted by it. If we have no laws to prohibit such things, are we exercising freedom or are we condoning the violence - especially in the eyes of our children. My wife and I would not allow our son to play violent video games, knowing he might at a friends house. We sent him to a Quaker school. We let him know how alienated we were with the culture at large that, "tolerated" and exploited all the violent TV, movies and internet "news". Meanwhile he grew up knowing his sister was not a subject of worry in the family. Women, young and old were not vicious, violent predators. We sent him to college in England where there were cultural problems, but at least males had more non-violent roles to play. His sister's in college in London, now.<br /><br />The cost was them growing up in a family that was foreign. I never feel foreign in London. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-15795300978584708482013-05-29T12:24:34.050-04:002013-05-29T12:24:34.050-04:00Hi Katerine,
Thanks for such a great question! I t...Hi Katerine,<br />Thanks for such a great question! I think it's important to lay the groundwork early by teaching our kids to be critical consumers/viewers from their earliest exposure to popular culture. I started talking about how women get treated unfairly in the media as soon as I saw my son exposed to those msgs (think advertisements during sports etc.) <br /><br />As for the more specific conversation about rape, of course you know your son best, but as one parent to another, I'd recommend two guidelines: try to have this conversation before he is exposed to teen party culture in his social life. When that is will vary, of course, but you will probably be able to tell from the culture at his school and the interests of he and his friends. Whenever it is, it just seems best to get them before they think they know more than you do about a given topic! <br /><br />Second, be on the lookout for the right opportunity. A news story, a movie or TV show, or even a song can help raise the subject organically. If it happens earlier rather than later, I imagine you could have a much less explicit talk about respect and trust. Once you feel he's mature enough (middle school or early high school?)you can introduce the grittier details. Either way, having something in their popular culture to ground the conversation can make it feel more relevant for them, and it helps a lot with awkardness by deflecting some of the attention away from their lives and onto the news/fictional story. We found that helpful anyway.<br /><br />Thanks again for coming by! dwerrleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-68415076089973794312013-05-29T00:46:09.356-04:002013-05-29T00:46:09.356-04:00I read this article in the UU World and was very g...I read this article in the UU World and was very glad to have this topic broached so eloquently. I've been thinking about this a lot myself. I have a 9 year old boy, and have been wondering when I start bringing up issues like this. I realize that the answer to this question is "when he's ready," and no one can really answer that for me, but I would like to read Deb's and reader's comments about when they think is a good time to start talking about this issue with their sons. Katherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14242868196048760719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-64547370268552102042013-05-07T12:53:37.486-04:002013-05-07T12:53:37.486-04:00thanks for your comment. i do agree that education...thanks for your comment. i do agree that education starts in the home.dwerrleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-4187203308583165642013-05-06T11:34:16.316-04:002013-05-06T11:34:16.316-04:00Education starts in the home and all boys should b...Education starts in the home and all boys should be taught to respect women they way I was a very long time ago. They should also be taught the legal implications. When all else fails , fear works with teenage boys. In my day, many states executed rapists and we were told all a girl had to do was pint and say he raped me and we would be strapped to the electric chair based solely on her word. This was not true of course, but we all believed it to be the case. There was no rape culture in the 50's and 60's as rape was extremely rare. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-14131541581619176372013-04-29T16:35:03.037-04:002013-04-29T16:35:03.037-04:00thanks meredith - and thanks for being there. it ...thanks meredith - and thanks for being there. it was so nice to have all of you there to debrief with afterwards! dwerrleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-46772466323394760682013-04-29T10:02:23.537-04:002013-04-29T10:02:23.537-04:00you ROCKED this at LTYM!!! So glad this post is be...you ROCKED this at LTYM!!! So glad this post is being heard. Thanks again for sharing!Meredith Selfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14209263663600610674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-32960788369214434552013-01-24T12:10:30.026-05:002013-01-24T12:10:30.026-05:00thanks debbie. and you're right that bystande...thanks debbie. and you're right that bystanders face danger as well: danger of accountability (to themselves, the law, their peers), danger of retaliation (if they try to leave, help, or just refuse to participate). It is a difficult situation for which anyone would need guidance.dwerrleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-23374613573864314092013-01-24T07:27:26.812-05:002013-01-24T07:27:26.812-05:00Deb,
Your blog touched me in so many ways, no pun...Deb, <br />Your blog touched me in so many ways, no pun here. All of our kids need to understand about the many ideas and situations you bring up. Being a bystander in these situations is just as dangerous as being the bully or victim. I plan to share this on my Facebook page and tweet as well, thank you.<br /><br />DebbieAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18064881627412403327noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-47974977879606253922013-01-22T14:33:19.559-05:002013-01-22T14:33:19.559-05:00Thanks for that, John.Thanks for that, John.Meredith Selfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14209263663600610674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-14907784829117296332013-01-21T20:48:11.813-05:002013-01-21T20:48:11.813-05:00thank you! :)thank you! :)dwerrleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-43846901020685402872013-01-21T08:56:31.772-05:002013-01-21T08:56:31.772-05:00Deb- totally agree with Meredith. This article is...Deb- totally agree with Meredith. This article is powerful and should be shared. Really struck a note with me. Jbgalnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-8564423531996147382013-01-21T00:58:59.713-05:002013-01-21T00:58:59.713-05:00yes - that need to fit in is very powerful. my so...yes - that need to fit in is very powerful. my son, who has never given a hoot about fashion, suddenly can only wear one particular kind of socks. really? <br /><br />i don't care about what socks he wears at all, but i still point out to him that he should venture out on his own, dare to be different. it's good practice for the decisions/dilemmas that will really matter. <br /><br />thanks for coming by!dwerrleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-82448409727722168572013-01-20T19:34:23.234-05:002013-01-20T19:34:23.234-05:00Yes, it is about valuing and protecting. I think,...Yes, it is about valuing and protecting. I think, in some ways, we've lost something with the death of our "gentleman" culture. (Although, we've gained a lot more than we've lost.) In the end though, this may be more about teaching our sons to stand up to group think and mob action than anything else. And for that matter our daughters too. I not only want my sons to act outside of the mob in this situation, I want my daughter to have tools for protecting herself and I want her to take her friend with her when she leaves a party - even if it takes the police to do it. Hard stuff that collides massively with the all important teen/young adult need to "fit in."anymommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11317877435130121894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-90097397143597641202013-01-19T13:18:09.058-05:002013-01-19T13:18:09.058-05:00Agreed. Thank you for your comment!Agreed. Thank you for your comment!dwerrleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-41302054156505876242013-01-19T11:15:33.452-05:002013-01-19T11:15:33.452-05:00Not raping is insufficient. Men need to be taught...Not raping is insufficient. Men need to be taught not to objectify women. I have never been comfortable around guys when they were talking about "pussy," "huge tits," etc. A well grounded man does not use such language.John Bartelloninoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-13606055153842879902013-01-19T09:25:46.738-05:002013-01-19T09:25:46.738-05:00Hi Melissa,
thanks so much! I appreciate your stop...Hi Melissa,<br />thanks so much! I appreciate your stopping by! :) dwerrleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-4215222246822597302013-01-18T18:59:56.409-05:002013-01-18T18:59:56.409-05:00Excellent post. And I agree with the others that y...Excellent post. And I agree with the others that you should submit this to HuffPost Parents or BlogHer or some such place. <br /><br />New to your blog from the link on the UU site. Glad to have found you! Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07226691769768760275noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-45264721089558417292013-01-17T23:24:21.320-05:002013-01-17T23:24:21.320-05:00thank you! :)thank you! :)dwerrleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-17425019611060199052013-01-17T23:24:00.711-05:002013-01-17T23:24:00.711-05:00thanks meredith! i think you said it better than i...thanks meredith! i think you said it better than i did, in a much more concise paragraph!dwerrleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3154988466625586293.post-12678117649854847212013-01-17T20:55:29.838-05:002013-01-17T20:55:29.838-05:00Amazing! Thank you! Amazing! Thank you! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com