Wednesday, November 30, 2011

charming anecdote: is "frickin" a cuss word?

There are so many “mommy blogs” full of cute stories about darling little toddlers and their antics.  I have a million such gems tucked away in my kids’ journals (you may have heard of these: archaic paper based books where I kept notes about my children with something called a ball point pen). 

If I’d been blogging in those distant times, I would have called it Schnook and Noodle and I’m sure it would have been marvelous.  Ahh, what could have been! 

I would have recounted all manner of amusing tales about how my bright-eyed and pudgy cheeked children asked questions such as, “do ants have tongues?” and “what color is the world?”  I would have proudly recounted the happy discussions that ensued as I reveled in the clever acuity of my children.  

But those days are gone. 

As a mother of an 11 and a 14 year old, the cute factor around here has about run its course.  So last night, instead of marveling together about the anatomy of an ant's mouth, my first born and I argued about whether “frickin” is a cuss word.

It matters, you see, because, upon learning that I had so brazenly presented his charming heinous with a vegetarian cabbage roll for dinner, he looked upon said roll in outward disgust and let a string of hostile mumblings came slithering off his suddenly fork-like tongue: “zishmbr blgrmp so stupid, mpgro brmpr a FRICKEN jokmprblr.”


He looked up in less than sweet boyish defiance.  “wuh?”

“Did you just call my dinner a “frickin jokmprblr?”

“No…Well…So?”  and here it comes: “frickin isn’t a cuss word!” 

I begged to differ, explaining that I didn’t think anyone who sits down to a table and uses any variation of the “f” word in reference to the food should be allowed to partake of that food.  And besides, what about the mysterious “jokmprblr?”  I don't think that was very nice either. 

So I sent him to his room without any dinner.  Just like the old lady who lived in a shoe.  Or no, didn’t she at least give the kids broth before banishing them to their prisons? No broth around here.  No bread either.

I know how this plays out.

Him: charming victim, child.

Me: old lady in shoe, bitch

But hey, after all: it was an organic cabbage.  A hold over from the co-op, so local too.  And the tomatoes?  The first of the summer canning. You don't mess with that, y'know? 

This morning, I told him in our post-explosion debriefing:  "A little respect for the cabbage roll is in order here, don't you think?"  Having regained his schnookish charm, he agreed with only a hint of a rolling eyeball.  But he  maintained his position on “the word,” insisting he’s even allowed to say it in school.  

I told him I didn’t frickin care.  Respect the cabbage.  

We laughed. 

And that’s my endearing anecdote about my darling little boy.   


  1. Lol! As herder of some of those adorable toddler/preschoolers, I can only say...the cute story makes me want to pull my hair out less from the naughty stories that aren't so cute. I came to the conclusion with munchkin #1 that they make 'em cute to they last to the not-so-cute stage. I'm sort of envious of your getting to discuss the merits of the word frickin' while I'm trying to figure out how to get ink pen out of a cream colored micro-suede cushion (a cushion that was accidentally left here by a guest and does not belong to me--no self-respecting parent of children under 5 would have cream colored anything, much less micro-suede)!

  2. yes, I have been there. years ago, my youngest used a permanent marker to "color" the upholstry on a dining room chair. It wasn't micro-suede but it had once belonged to my grandmother. she was so proud when she showed me her "artwork," I didn't know what to say. But be warned, you will blink and you will be talking about "frickin" or whatever the next pseudo cuss word might be! time flies!

  3. "I didn't frickin care. Respect the cabbage." Has to be one of the funniest lines &stories on the whole blog. :) Or I just relate with Chad who is 17.

    In our house, we sometimes call %$&# words "honest language."

    1. i like that: "honest language." it shows my kids in a whole new light. apparently they are committed to the truth!

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